btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize