All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
