You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
