The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
