there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
