dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
