Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
