I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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