i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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