it's like iHOP with fire
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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