He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
