I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
