Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
