She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
