I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
