I hate your face
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
