If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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