Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
