Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
