wanna go halves on a baby?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize