What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
