saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
