Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
