i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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