there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize