I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
