She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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