he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
