peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
