Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
