wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
