No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize