bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
