Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize