Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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