We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize