She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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