I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
