i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just invented taco cereal.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize