I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
