I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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