apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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