alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
