I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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