she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
