You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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