Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's never too late to be topless.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
