im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
