Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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