but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize