I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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