Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you win again, gameday.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
