i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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