ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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