I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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