can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
