It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
