yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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