I think I died a long time ago.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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