No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
there is glitter all over my balls
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
