I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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