Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please don't give away my fajitas
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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