Someone shit on the floor
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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