meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
