my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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