Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize