I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
