your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
