They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
