Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
