I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize