She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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