Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
