Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
