...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize