Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
